Nad-e Ali Blog 7: Back to spam and beans

For me there are few places on earth better for thinking about life than underwater. No phones, no internet, no mobile phone. Just me and my camera. And the fish. Nine weeks in Helmand have just flashed by and I took advantage of my scheduled break and the close geography to go to the Maldives to fulfil one of my ambitions: to photograph manta rays. Wow, about as big as a family car, it was an awesome experience to watch the rays swooping over my head. Made a rather nice change from looking at the ceiling of an armoured vehicle......

So rather than the usual pictures of Helmand with this episode, I thought I'd give you something to drool over.....

Before heading out to turquoise, warm seas and white coral sand, I was working with the District Governor, the district Education and Health Directors, other colleagues and the local ISAF and Afghan National Army company commanders to line up all the parts necessary to (finally, Inshallah) get two schools and one clinic on the glidepath to delivery. Having been a diplomat, scuba instructor and scuba resort manager in previous incarnations, I think I'll try domestic cat wrangler next time around.  Surely it can't be any more difficult than trying to get all these parts to line up the right way.  If I can get a village community, elders and district authorities all to want the same thing at the same time, can it be so difficult to get cats to jump through a fiery hoop? I return to Helmand on Sunday - and can hardly wait to see if all the parts are still facing the glidepath or whether these graceful swans have all turned into turkeys.... again. Time will tell.

Heading back always comes with slightly mixed feelings. It's always great to spend time with friends and family and I’m always sad to leave them.  It's good to catch up again with military colleagues who have become good friends. I'll definitely miss my favourite Indian restaurant (Akbars in Manchester if you wanted to know: cracking food. Try the Balti Lazeez - man, I could have that stuff intravenously); and it's hard to say I can't wait to get stuck back into Spam and Bean breakfasts. In the last three weeks I have not eaten a single baked bean. Odd that, eh? But swapping the grey skies of Manchester for the blue skies of Helmand won't be a hardship. Missing the Man City v Man United FA Cup semi-final will be however (Let’s hope we beat them this time!)  But exciting times ahead. 3 Para will leave shortly after I get back after a very successful six months for them - and a new Battlegroup will arrive: 45 Commando. Even before they touch down I learned it is essential to call them "Four-Five" Commando and not "Forty-Five".  Toilets will become "heads" (still poo-in-a-bag though, lads), food will switch from "scoff" to "scran" - and various other subtle linguistic shifts.  I bet a whole new bunch of three letter abbreviations too. But, the great news is I'm told that 45 Commando like showers - and if you have read previous episodes you will know that this is not quite the case for 3 Para - who, others have told me, are known as "Grungy 3". I could not possibly comment of course. But a good shower system would be a major improvement to life.

So, almost time to head back and swap Manchester for the marble and fluffy towels of Dubai - and then on to the dust of Bastion and Home, Sweet, Home: PB Shazad. Fingers crossed the wrangled cats have stayed wrangled, that working showers might be on the horizon; and that Four-Five are as great a group of guys as 3 Para.

And of course, even if all the above are as good as I hope they’ll be, I’ll still be dreaming of turquoise, warm seas, white coral sand and manta rays. Spam and Beans for breakfast anyone?